In the past few months, I have done some of the most difficult writing of my life. Though fantasy, everything I am writing about is real for someone, and tomake it authentic, I have to mentally go to places that I hate. Places I don’t want to get trapped in. Which makes my downtime extremely important. Reflecting on what has been really good for me has brought me to this post.
Growing up, I was never anything close to an athlete. Not only was I the nerdy quiet kid, but my body was wracked with health problems. From my brain condition to my severe Asthma and all the mental anguish and fear that comes from being unable to do what everyone else could do. Add the never ending bullying, and you have a really despairing situation.
Somehow I survived all that, including a serious medical emergency in my twenties and got a life changing surgery. Once I started to feel somewhat normal, I made the decision to finally try to train in karate. Being a passionate martial arts fan my whole life, I really desired it. But my expectations were tempered. I wasn’t really sure if my body would hold up, but it was worth a shot. I never had an aspirations of increasing my rank, just a hunger to survive. To be stronger than I ever had before, and here I am three years later. In a higher rank that doesn’t even compute.
A lot of days, I question my skill set. I’m still smaller than almost everyone out there. My body is not the most flexible and my problems are not all gone, but I keep trying. And because of that, I am mentally stronger than I have ever been.
Sometimes its really hard to push through a grueling workout or sparring session, and I feel like I can’t do it. But I do it. I survive. Just like I always have. And I love pushing myself to the absolute end of my ability just to see how far I can go. Karate has given me an opportunity to believe in my own effort. That I have more in the tank than I think I have. And its all positive at the end of the day. Unlike some of this writing…Ok I think I can handle it again. Back to writing Chapter 20.
Look at next year, The Knights Lost Hope is coming at you…
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